The time after class ends is perilous and fraught with social danger. Do you dare linger? Or do you race out of the room like the professor is going to single you out as the slowest of the pack, get down on all fours, and lunge for the kill?
Luckily, as the prey animals of campus, we students find protection in numbers. That One Person Who Sits Next to You in Class may just be your last hope. And just think- awkward introductions may lead to sharing class notes, which might even lead to a study buddy! And- who knows- maybe even a friend.
The approach is crucial. Here are some general rules to follow:
Be Calm. Your cool, suave demeanour and confident vibe will signal to your potential pal that you are a desirable ally in the class. What wonders might you hold for each other!
Overcome your Instinctive Urge to Run. While your 0-60 time may be impressive, it unfortunately denies you the precious seconds with which you can ask an even more titillating and thrilling question, like “what’s your major?”
Be Aware of Approachability. Do you keep your headphones in until the professor starts speaking? Do you wait until the last second to enter the room? Next time you’re sitting in class, hugging your knees to your chest and crying, be more conscientious of whether you might be putting off the potential pals around you.
Creative ideas for introductory questions:
What’s a beautiful student like you doing in a classroom like this?
You ever seen a ghost?
Where do you live? What dorm? This is a normal question to ask in college, don’t worry.
Have you ever had rabies?
I love your sullen yet neurotic vibe. How do you achieve that?
After tossing out your introductory question, remember to read body language. If the One Person dislikes your social prodding or finds it threatening, they may engage in defensive behaviours such as growling, puffing up their fur, or playing dead. In this case, it’s best to drop whatever food you have to the floor in front of them and run away as fast as possible.
On the chance that your approach has worked and they are open to your platonic advances, congrats! Be cool and easy-going by talking about the class and related topics first, before you begin to integrate personal details and ask about their life. This can take a few weeks to fully take-off, so don’t worry if it’s taking a while! Never lose sight of the end goal: matching magnetic Best Friend lockets from Claire’s.
Hot Tip!
Psychology has found that people tend to like someone when they do a favour for them. Ask That One Person for a pencil or a pen sometime, in order to ingratiate yourself to them using our dark psychology manipulation method. Beware, for this only works if you return the writing implement. Don’t forget, lest you end up with a bad vibe.
Talking to that One Person Who Sits Next to You in Class can be good. We promise. It is a scary concept, but just imagine what world of possibility awaits. You can make small talk about the weather, upcoming weekends, course schedules and more! It is a reminder that you are not alone, that someone else also thought what the professor said was kinda weird, and that you still have the ability to speak to other human beings.
Most importantly: That One Person might be terrifying to you, but just remember that you are their One Person, and they’re just as scared of you as you are of them.